I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
