I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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