Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
