apparently the secret to your success is patron
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
