Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
