there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
