so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
