margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
