benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
