just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
MIDGETS
????
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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