When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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