I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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