I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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