just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
