You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
