You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
