he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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