I heard we made out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
