Your face is a jimmy john
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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