You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
