his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
