...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
