id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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