you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
