allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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