I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
