so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
