girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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