You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
false alarm, still single
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
