He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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