so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
