im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
oh god was she eating orange peels again
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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