I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
