she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
