hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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