My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
