her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
