No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
