Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
