Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
