Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
