she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
