or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
