I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
