So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
