loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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