Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
