At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
