so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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