i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
