Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
