hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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