***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
