every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
