Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
